Baby Steps

The fear of getting too close.

• ·      Milk
• ·      Cheese
• ·      Ice cream
• ·      Candy
• ·      Chips
• ·      Bread

If I just avoid these things, I will achieve optimum health. The first 2 are pure mucus, indigestible in the human body. The 2^nd 2 things include some of the same indigestible ingredients, also:

• ·      Sugar
• ·      Oil

·     

The last 2, while it is possible for them to contain all natural ingredients, are seemingly innocuous grains but have been over processed so that they are pure starch, devoid of vital nutrients. They are fillers, the perfect breeding ground for yeast.

The things to accentuate:

• ·      Fresh vegetable juice
• ·      Green salads
• ·      Steamed veggies
• ·      Fish
• ·      Eggs
• ·      Sweet potatoes

Sometimes I find that the easiest way to avoid these harmful substances is to consume the other harmful substance that have been a large part of my life.

·      Alcohol

·      Coffee

·      Herb

These are the substances that I rely upon to help me avoid the others. I consider them the least of the avoidables. I use these to help me avoid the others. To give me energy, a buzz. To feel fulfilled, not just full.

The problem is that the buzz wears off. Reality follows. The reality that is my environment. And of course to avoid that reality I must consume more of my preferred poisons. And if I miss that window and the buzz wears off before I can renew it: I am doubly vulnerable. Left wide open, raw.. ;easy prey.

My progress is in steps. Ups and downs with a gradual ascension. The highs get higher and the lows get higher also J

The Child Within

Natalia makes her home a sanctuary for her children. What about the child that lives inside all of us.

I’m taking Natalia’s advice and cleaning out my closets. I’m taking my own advice and going through my tools. Other than me, these are my assets. My tools are extensions of my creativity.

The heroes’ journey. Don’t hate yourself if you falter. Just get up, dust yourself off and know that all the heroes have faltered on their journey.

Must we destroy our very environment to be a success?

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The current trend for political posturing is for them to say they have business success and our government should be run like a business. I disagree. The business model is for profit at all cost. Downsize, outsource, greed. In my opinion government should be about community, people. That the wealth of a notion, state, city, should be measured by the least of its people. How many are suffering below the poverty level. If there is just one, then the government is failing its job, its duty

Do we have to destroy or hurt the environment to be creative? We only have what nature gives us to work with. Are we so full of ourselves to think we can improve on nature and destroy her? Thereby destroying ourselves.

10/23

Today I had coffee with soy from Starbucks for breakfast, coconut water at noon, juice at 2 and a big green salad at 4.

My clothes are getting bigger. J

I want to start making jewelry again. I’d like to start with a Goddess pendant.

I babysat until 3 this morning then came home and couldn’t sleep until dawn. Typical. This morning was rough but ever since my coffee I’ve done remarkably well, in fact, I just remembered I had very little sleep.

Took a short nap after work and had a fruit Popsicle when I woke up. Bad idea.

I had a couple of decent BM’s today but should probably have an enema.

My rolls are getting smaller J

She willed it

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My mom has cancer

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I have to hold my tongue when it comes to my opinion of doctors and the medical profession for my mom’s sake. She worships them and their advice. I must be positive because no matter what they do to her or how sick she gets she values their opinion more than mine. She and Gary went to Yuma this weekend and she sounds in good spirits.

I’ll just continue my quest to heal myself, pray for her and be there for her.

Clean out the Cobwebs

I hooked up w/ Herb as you can tell by the last paragraph.

I am struggling between my desire for something sweet and my desire to lose the pounds in my gut. I figure the rolls I can grab are probably mirrored on the inside deep out of sight and mind.

Much more than ever imagined. I think people who are lucky enough to be afraid of being too skinny don’t know that first you weed out, dig out, burn out the waste. Clean out the cobwebs so you can get to the beginning and build soft plump juicy tissue. So I’m struggling to allow this mass inside me to digest enough to get to the real me. If my stomach would ever empty, my gut might begin to.

Scary getting raw

I’ve been flirting around this lifestyle for decades. Afraid of the power. Getting too close and getting burned raw, too close to the bone. It’s scary, frightening.

October 21

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Worked a long day in Huntington today. Didn’t have lunch until 2. I was feeling lightheaded and headachy. Had a 32 oz Goddess of Greens from Mother’s with lemon, awesome. I felt so much better. I also bought a big raw Caesar that I had for dinner followed by 3 eggs with scrambled butter, onions and asparagus. I put a little goat cheese in it. The dish was great but I’m not real fond of goat cheese. It’s an acquired taste that I haven’t acquired yet.

I’m feeling really good and obviously losing weight because my pants are getting loose. In the last few days I have lost a lot of bloating/water weight. After almost 2 months of backsliding I didn’t really gain any weight. My bad days are not so bad anymore. Even when I’m not following a cleansing plan I am still eating light to heavy and not overeating. Just not juicing enough and too much miss combining at dinner.

I’m having champagne. One of my last addictions. Just texted for my other.

3 Days later

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3 days later and I’m still out of it. I gave myself an enema and drank some champagne before I went to the party the other night. Drank at least 3 glasses of wine there and smoked lots of pot. I ate 2 small pieces of a baguette with spinach dip made with cream cheese. I passed out on Meredith’s bed. Woke up at 5 am and came home and fell asleep. I was so sick I didn’t get up and shower until afternoon. Drank some juice, some coconut water, and since it was Sunday and I was hung-over I thought maybe some hair of the dog might work. I drank a glass of champagne. I threw up all day and night. Every bit of liquid came right back up.

Yesterday I had water, coconut water, juice and carrots with a little hummus. 12 hours later this morning I was still burping hummus. Burning belly so I had a long enema about 5. Still exhausted.

Woke up at 2am and couldn’t go back to sleep. Fell asleep about 8 until 10:30.

It’s a long way to a clean-celled body.

I had mint tea about 11am then 2 hours later I’m drinking black coffee. It may be acidic but I do think it is important to wean myself slowly from the substances I am addicted to.

Heartburn, belching and upper gastro cramping.

A long way too go.

It’s cold and rainy but I’m sweating. It must be the coffee after an hour.

Started taking Candex again.

Drinking my juice, yum. My right eye is twitching now. At least it isn’t the left one J

Babysitting for Dylan tonight. I’ll take salad makings, broccoli and sweet potatoes.

Holiday Season 2010

Here I go again. October 16, 2010

20-30 ounces of green juice around noon and then about 4 in the afternoon a box of sugar plum tomatoes. I have had a little hummus w/ them this week. Then for dinner I have a big salad, cooked veggies and either eggs, fish or sweet potatoes. This is day 5.

My goal is not only to trim down and firm up but also to cure my eyesight.  It is so bad I see 3 to 5 moons and can’t read a thing with my left eye. Funny when shooting my journal video today, I noticed it is my right eye that is the droopiest. I do want to cure my cataracts at least by the time I have to take my next drivers license exam in 2014. Hopefully sooner than that.

A little gassy and stinky today L I need an enema. I’m going to do one after work.

My belches have gotten under control this week and the gagging when brushing my teeth is less.

Tonight is game night at Meredith’s. She will have wine and we’re to bring snacks and games. I’ll bring my usual crudités and hummus, along with some dark chocolate and maybe some Ak Mak. Ivy suggested I bring the game “quarters” but that would mean drinking tequila. I’m thinking that isn’t a good idea. Not on my diet. These are my Goddess Sisters, though, so maybeJ

I am so tired of being around whiners. The women I work with are constantly “woe is me” about their health, their jobs or their personal life. My mom is the epitome of negativity. She has been manifesting cancer for years now and I think she may have finally succeeded.

My left eye is getting another twitch.