better to keep quiet and be thought the fool, than to open mouth and remove all doubt

Ok here’s the deal:

I’m programmed to only speak in terms of my job. Not my hobbies (what they call my entrepreneurial interests), the joys of my existence. I’m just allowed to live for and I am known and judged by how much I make for a living. And expected to drop the rest of my life or what’s important to me. I hide what I'm really thinking and only mention what I think people want to hear and I wind up sounding like a shallow imbecile. Because I am afraid to say what I really feel. What I really want. So thinking I’ll sound like a kook, a hippy, and an eccentric if I speak the truth: I end up sounding like ignorant trailer trash.

I need to shut up until I know what to say.

I do not communicate my feelings well.

I don’t say what I mean.

I sound like an idiot instead of an eccentric.

I need to respect and be myself before I can expect anyone else to respect me. I have to stop being afraid to be myself. To say what is really important to me.

Shut up!!!!!

I sounded lazy in front of step-daughter instead of sounding proud and happy and creative. Not willing to sell myself short. Knowing my worth.

Help me to know myself and not be afraid to express myself truthfully.