Who's Saving Who?

it is I who must be saved. Then and only then can I ever attempt to save someone else.

Or is it the other way around? I can’t hope to be saved if I am only thinking of saving myself. Sound’s like Catch 22. I cant save anyone else unless I save myself and I can’t save myself if it is me I am trying to save and not someone else.

I just realized my daughter wants me to choose between her and my mother. I have always chosen her over my own mom, but right now, daughter is fine. She has a huge support group and doesn’t really need me. She obviously has no respect for me anyway so why would she? My mother needs me now more than she has in my entire life. I’m sorry ivy, I would rather not have to choose, but if you really want me to, I will try to help my Mom right now.

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Daughter says cruel things to me any time she is upset. She is the “only grown up” in the family. I like what the author of power Screenwriting says: that writers need to be outlaws or heroes or we’re dead. In other words; if we conform we are dead. In daughter’s mind: conformity is the same as being a grown-up. I choose to live. If she thinks that makes me a child, so be it.

You might as well face it sweetheart, none of us are everything our loved ones think we are capable of being.

I think the difference is how convinced we are that we are worthy. Are we eccentric? Or just downtrodden.

You know what, I honestly don’t want to hang around you right now. I am trapped in the way you see me.